...so i touched it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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