**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize