We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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