Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Of course I have a pirate flag
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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