I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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