When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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