He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
