Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
