Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
