There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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