What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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