Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
