Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
