Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
