omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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