dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
