i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
