I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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