The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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