I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
