this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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