the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize