he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize