i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
