I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
