she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
