i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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