Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize