I'm eating all of the evidence.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
