My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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