Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
