just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize