Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
