yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
