They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
