can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
