Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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