their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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