physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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