You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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