and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
