Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A bitchslap is in order.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
