how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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