I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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