he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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