Don't make out with my wife yet
wanna go halves on a baby?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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