So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say đ
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we wonât be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Having Fatherâs Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. âHey dad just calling to say I love you.â While Iâm navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherâs Day.
Randomize
