I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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