i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
