just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would ride that face into the sunset
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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