Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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