dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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