those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
