yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
