I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
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Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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