like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
