Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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