Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
