God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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