Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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