Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
