i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
