So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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