Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
