zippers are such a cool invention
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
