Me too!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
