guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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