i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
