If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
