I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
