he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
