She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
