I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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