Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
