Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
