btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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