Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
