last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he thought i was a dude.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
