I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
