i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
